Having been through losing 3 dogs, one of which was my first dog, one was my first puppy and agility dog - also in there was my first encounter with breast cancer - it seems that life is so fragile.
What are the chances of 2 dogs becoming critically ill on the day before Thankgiving with different diseases?
And then losing both of them.
On Thanksgiving I took Fiesta and RockIt to Dr B -Fiesta from the e-vet, RockIt just because he suddenly looked awful.
Fiesta died on my birthday, RockIt died on Dec 1 (5 days after). Not sure how I will look at either Thanksgiving or my birthday in the future.
I loved all of them - but I didn't realize how much the relationship with RockIt had changed my life and bonded me to him. He was fear aggressive and also very soft, a hard combination for agility. He was my first ever puppy. But he became a rock star in agility - which was both awesome and hard for both of us. He won high in trial for Dacof 2010 20 inch running against a lot of younger dogs, his last run ever in AKC earned him Mach3.
I felt good in that at least I had done everything that I could for him during his illness, until, my vet told me that she believed I killed him with raw food after the surgery, no matter what the truth of it is, I will always believe that to be true. (And I also know that she said that because she was upset and had come to love RockIt also)
Fiesta came to me as a 12 lb 10 month old ball of angst. According to her previous owners, who said they really didn't want her, she was alpha rolled whenever she became excited in play- in the end, producing a dog, who every time she became excited, became aggressive knowing that something bad would happen - classic conditioning - they didn't want that either.
Had to pick her up with oven mitts for the first year, which might have been a death sentence for a bigger or more determined dog, for her, it was just a matter of having oven mitts at the ready. She was drop dead cute, had a great sense of humor, loved to snuggle and and snored like a mastiff.
Harley was feral, he was scared of all humans (including me), but immediately bonded to my american eskimo Bear (who didn't like him). He was the one that got me into dog trainng, because I literally didn't know what to do with him. Harley wouldn't eat, would pull out of his collar and run away, if we were walking and someone was approaching, and was scared to be inside the house. He also would get into my car and then spend the rest of the time panting and drooling.
He had a huge bark, and my mother was terrified of him (he was biggish, around 55 lbs). One day, she decided to be brave and pet him and apparently, he decided to be brave and stay put, but she had her purse on the other shoulder, when she bent down to pet him, it launched off of her other shoulder and hit him squarely on the nose - they both screamed - end of relationship.
He successfully fought his fears of the enviroment, food, people, and life in general and became one of the kindest, happiest dogs - he will always remain one of my biggest inspirations.
The last year or so of his life was hard for him, he became disoriented, he would get lost in a corner of the yard, or the living room and couldn't get out. He would stand and bark in the middle of the yard. Sometimes I came home from work and he had moved all the furniture in the living room and trapped himself behind a table or something. I tried crating him, but I didn't know about crating when he was a puppy, so he never became comfortable in one (my fault) so we didn't have that option.
So much sadness, regret, grief and anger at life, at my vet for saying words that can never be taken back, and for the pain that RockIt was in for the last week of his life, for Harley, who had alzheimers and was so lost, and Fiesta who died of something that could have been treated, if I had the money for an ultra sound at the e-vet.
I have been blessed to have them in my life, whatever I gave them, they gave me much, much more -there is never a day that they aren't missed. I think the rainbow bridge is an odd construct but I hope that I meet them again sometime on our paths.
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This is the first I'm reading this. I think about you often. Jack and I both do. As we deal with our grief over losing Ruckus we both think of you and know that you are dealing with that heartache times 3. We are here for you. RockIt, Harley and Fiesta had awesome lives with you. Had all 3 been with someone else it's likely their lives would have been shorter or at minimum not as happy and positive.
ReplyDeleteIf dogs do go to heaven and hang out together I'd like to think that RockIt and Ruckus are hanging out together. RockIt was one of the few dogs that Ruckus tolerated well upon their first meeting (in my backyard if I recall). Ruckus had that way about him with dogs of similar temperaments. Maybe they are all hanging out together free of worry. I hope so anyway. Love you Bev!